The following comment from discussion thread for a Salon.com advice column is so good that I’m quoting it in full. Discussion thread is here. The original advice column—“Thou revealest too much!”—is here. (Hat tip to Chalice Chick for the link. Emphasis is mine.) The point, while specifically about teenage sex ed—extends well beyond UUs problem retaining its youth into adulthood. It applies to any crossing of healthy boundaries in any church: someone—first, whoever is closest—has to put that shit to an end.
I agree with the other letter writers who said that 1) these are probably Unitarians we’re talking about, and 2) the teacher with the poor boundaries may well have a personality disorder. Whereas people in a more conservative sort of church might not hesitate to shut down someone whose behavior is deemed inappropriate, many Unitarian Universalists tend to be more wary about judging the behavior of others–particularly that of fellow Unitarians.
I grew up in the Unitarian church. The *primary* reason I have no desire to attend as an adult is that as a child I was repeatedly subject/witness to inappropriate behavior by adults that was observed by other adults who failed to intervene. I felt unsafe and violated. Kids need and like boundaries (even as they test them). A sex education course for children shouldn’t be pornographic. Those kids are a captive audience for her inappropriate behavior. LW, do whatever you must to stop her. You will have to supply the boundaries for her. If she gets nasty when confronted and subsequently disrupts the class, relieve her of her teaching duties. I urge you to forget about tiptoeing around her in an effort to preserve “religious community.” The kids are more important than her right to exhibitionism.
— Unitarians Anonymous
I don’t hear the “my UU upbringing was way too permissive” refrain very often, but it does come up from time to time. It’s true that we’re hesitant to judge one another and that our “agree to disagree” philosophy makes it hard to hammer out a consensus on things like boundaries and appropriate behavior around children.
That said, I think the problem was worse in the past, at least to judge from our youth programs. Ever since LRY fell apart in the late ’70s and early ’80s because, in part, of the perception that it had become too hedonistic and unsafe, appropriate boundaries have been a big focus of UU youth programming.
Still, this kind of thing happens. We’re pretty good at discussing these things openly and addressing them, but given who we are I think they’ll always be an issue for us. It’s interesting to see this on your blog, Chutney, since this person’s complaint is the liberal mirror image of your struggle with the darker side of your own fundamentalist upbringing.
It seems all the stories of Unitarian lock-ins with pornos come from the 80’s. I certainly haven’t seen or heard of anything like that during my six years as a UU.
It’s interesting to see this on your blog, Chutney, since this person’s complaint is the liberal mirror image of your struggle with the darker side of your own fundamentalist upbringing.
Too true, Kevin. Too true.