A nifty little PBS essay on the Early Church points out how crucial Christianity’s down-to-earth organizational structure was to its success in the Roman Empire. The author attributes its success to several things:

1. The bewildering array of new gods and cults available to Romans could be radically simplified by converting to Christianity.
2. Conversion, rather than mere adherence, to one exclusive religious community gave that community interpersonal strength.
3. Unlike pagan priests, the chief function of Christian leadership was to deliver personal wisdom, not esoteric for-pay rites.
4. Christianity’s leaders were chosen from among the people for their gifts of leadership, thus having a personal credibility that pagan priests could not.
5. Christianity was funded by small, voluntary donations made by converts. Pagan cults were largely funded by the state and wealthy donors, making them easy to de-fund.
6. Because it was a mass movement, Christianity could not be stopped simply by executing its leaders. Leaders could be easily replaced.

(Hat tip to Boy in the Bands.)

Thanks to Big Al for sending this one in. Black people just love Sally and Johnny—just ask them about it! Testimonials and real photo evidence!

And Big Al, I just have to say you are quite the intellectual for a fat man. Very articulate (which means you use your words well). And you sent this to me just before MLK day, which means you’re sensitive to the needs of black persons. (Do you know any I could meet?) You are a credit to fat people everywhere.

Can we always reach a compromise with our political enemies? Fafnir and Giblets argue each side of the question from the safety of their tree top—safe, that is, from the zombies that lurk below. Their conclusion?

“Evil Mount Rushmore was over five thousand feet tall an carved out of a single block of patriotic terror,” says me.
“When its giant monster presidents rampaged through New York, the national guard was helpless with inspiration,” says Giblets. “Until one little boy defeated them with the power of caring.”
“That little boy grew up to be Franklin Roosevelt,” says me, “who told us we have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
“Fear and Zombie Franklin Roosevelt,” says Giblets, “who will eat our brains and detain our japanese-americans.”
“He’s headin this way!” says me.
“Giblets is totally gonna hit im with this rock,” says Giblets.

[tags]compromise, fear, funny, satire, liberals, zombies[/tags]

(Originally posted on Healing Hagar.)

The dominant theology of a good deal of the stories of the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible is simple enough: please god and you’ll be blessed, displease god and you’ll suffer. You can see it as early as Genesis. Adam and Eve displease god and get kicked out of Eden. Humanity displeases god and Babel falls or the world floods. Abraham pleases god and gets millions of descendants (albeit after much, much testing.)

The intent of this line of reasoning is pretty clear: be good today so tomorrow won’t suck. But before too long folks were looking at it in past tense. “If you were already blessed today, you must have pleased god yesterday. If you are suffering today, you must have ticked god off yesterday.” God becomes the arbiter of all blessings and suffering, all the time, not just for the rare miracle now and then.

Bible scholars nicknamed this theology “deuteronomistic” after the book of Deuteronomy, where it first takes center stage. It continues mostly uninterrupted through the historical books, where “dueteronomists” go to great pains to show that god is a deuteronomist too. Most of Proverbs’ advice follows a deuteronomistic line. By Jesus’ time folks were even saying that babies born with disabilities were either being punished for their parents’ sins or being punished for sins they’d commit when they grew up. Click to continue reading “Why Pat Robertson is unbiblical”

There’s a meme going around, dagnabbit, and I’m not going to be left out in the cold.

1. Jefferson Davis—all around traitorous bastard
2. Robert E. Lee—traitorous bastard who killed thousands of Americans, however noble he was supposed to have been
3. Nathan Bedford Forrest—traitor and racist shit who founded the KKK
4. George Custer—for killing Indians and being an arrogant sonuvabitch (Could substitute Andrew Jackson for ethnic cleansing of Cherokees)
5. J. Edgar Hoover—for breaking the Constitution because, you know, he thought we’d appreciate it
6. Richard Nixon—for breaking the Constitution because, you know, he wanted to (Could tack on G. Gordon Liddy here)
7. Joseph McCarthy—demagogue and fear monger (Could tack on Roy Cohn here)
8. Henry Ford—fascist, anti-semite, friend to Hitler, and inventor of consumerism
9. Robert McNamara—CEO of the military-industrial complex during the Cold War
10. Tim McVeigh—for blowing up my home town, and probably inspiring someone else to try the same in the future

Dishonorable mention:
11. Ollie North
12. John C. Calhoun
13. George Wallace
14. Strom Thurmond
15. Dean Acheson

[tags]ten worst americans, history[/tags]