My name is Chutney, and I am a recovering fundamentalist. And I cannot forgive.
The preacher folks at church have been talking about forgiveness these last two weeks, on account of it being the High Holy Days. If that wasn’t enough, I’ve been in charge of leading sermon discussions for our 20/30s group those two Sundays, which means I’ve had to talk about it all civilized to boot.
Now, ordinarily, I’m all for forgiveness. (Especially the receiving end of it.) But there’s one kind of forgiveness that irks me something fierce. Click to continue reading “Fie on forgiveness”
So I’m reading a Plastic thread about sue-happy parents and playground injuries when I run across this gem:
When I was a kid my favorite game was to nail my peepee to the door frame and slam my nuts in the door, are they gonna ban doors now?
Wow. I don’t remember ever playing that game. But I will be asking my church to get rid of all its doors. Just in case. Somebody should think about the children.
Contrary to Evil Chutney’s ramblings, my next “recovering seminarian” career move will be cocktailianism, mixology, and bartending. The plan is to work for an old work buddy at his new digs, the Graveyard Tavern, which opens appropriately enough on Halloween. (My evangelical mother will just love the sound of that.)
Aside from spending too much time at the pub, the closest I come to bartending experience is church work. I suspect the main difference between the two will be that at the bar you can kick people the hell out when they act like asshats. As opposed to church, where you put them in charge of a damn committee and tell them they’re special.
Between now and then I’ve got to learn how to, um, tend bar. My new boss hasn’t tended bar himself for a few years, so he can’t tell me what the most important drinks are to learn by my heart of hearts. So tell me, gentle reader, what drink do you want me to learn to make for you? If you can make it in sometime, your new favorite bartender just might mix it up for you for free.
You heard it here first. Your pal Chutney is now hawking his services as a professional "freelance monotheist" to anyone with the moolah. If you need someone to perform god stuff, Chutney is your man. For an appropriate fee, he will freely spread his legs to the deity of your choice. He will be your dirty dirty preacher whore for Sweet Baby Jesus.
Who says you can’t make a living as a recovering seminarian?
Google keeps getting bigger and better. (I know I’m supposed to be afraid of them, but their stuff works, and that works for me.)
Not too long ago they released Google Talk, a chat program that can do type and voice conversations. Not too longer after that, I discovered that Google Desktop added a sidebar feature with several plugins (latest news, weather, time, todo list, etc.).
This week they released a beta of Google Reader, an easy way to keep up with your favorite news sites and blogs. I’ve tried a few readers before (NewsGator, Bloglines), but ended up dropping them after too long. The only one I’ve stuck with is Kinja. So far, though, I’m loving Google Reader: simple interface, nice keyboard shortcuts, and pretty good import feature.
Of course, to use all of this (except Google Desktop), you have to have a Gmail account. Gmail is, hands down, the best email system I have ever used. Instead of deleting emails, you archive them, allowing you to keep an uncluttered inbox yet still search for them (using Google, of course) when you need them. Emails in a conversations (replies and forward) are automatically grouped together, making it super easy to catch up on old email conversations. Sure, they put ads off to the side of your emails, but I’ve never really noticed them. And almost no spam at all. Oh, and you can use it to manage all your other email addresses now, and send from them from inside of Gmail.
Google is now letting anyone sign up for Gmail (instead of being invite only). But if you would like to try any of this stuff out without giving them your mobile number (don’t asky me why), drop me a line and I’ll send you an old fashioned invite.
Looking at this chart brings back old memories.
