But it’s true that we can be too snotty and too geeky for our own good. I’m hoping you just ran into some bad conversationalists though. Maybe give it another shot?

However, in my story above, no one was a newcomer. The Republican couple I asked have been members for about 50 years, and their daughter-in-law, I don’t know how long, but was there before I came in the early 1990s. Our congregation has more conservatives than any Western congregation I’ve been to.

As I said, I felt like I wasn’t getting any respect from them (the couple of people who took this position) when they told us we shouldn’t even discuss the issue let alone vote on it, and then wouldn’t show up for the discussion to give their side of the issue — like they were pre-judging that we wouldn’t respect their opinion without even giving us a chance. Then the ones who did show up for the discussion said yes they felt we respected them and their dissenting opinion.

Worse than all this though, I recently heard a story from one of our members that shocked me and made my blood boil. She took over organizing a project we had voted in (the Rochester model), though it had not been her suggestion. Then people started attacking her for what she was doing and for the nature of the project. Apparently several people phoned her at home to complain about various things — and all she was doing was trying to keep everything organized (and doing a great job, by the way.) She said she got more complaints than appreciation! She hasn’t been coming to church lately….

It’s sad when Unitarians reveal “sacred cows,” like in your story. Sounds exactly what Peacebang was talking about.

So love the sinner but hate the sin?

One of my favorite people at church is a seven-foot-tall truck driver. He acts, talks, and looks like a truck driver. His politics are on the libertarian side, and, if asked, he will tell you what he thinks about current issues.

I’ve been approached by a prominent church leader who asked me if I thought he was “safe.” Someone had had a heated (but respectful) discussion of Iraq with my tall friend, and told this church leader that he was now scared of him.

To this son of a barber and daycare worker, that is ideological intolerance, and there’s probably some classism in there to boot.

Trend or no? You tell me.

Hey, not my rant. Go talk to Peacebang. ;-)

But there is no context. Yes in your real-life example, that was rude, and she could have handled that better. But was it because she was intolerant? Was she having a bad day? Did you have pleasant and positive experiences with her later?

Exactly. No context for me and my wife because we were first time visitors. She had the power in this situation (as a church member, as someone entrusted with a table, as someone who knew where the bathrooms were, etc.), and she misused it, however intentionally or unintentionally. If I wasn’t a seminary graduate who knew church folk could be “like that,” we wouldn’t have come back. We definitely felt judged.

And as guests in that church, it was not our responsibility to find out if she was having a bad day or whatever. It was her responsibility to be welcoming to us. And, as you said, she was rude. She failed in her responsibility to be welcoming of the stranger.

As to whether this is a trend or not, you’d need to ask first time visitors to UU groups and UU folks who don’t quite fit the usual UU mold (like in Peacebang’s examples).

But at a UU party last night, I noticed askance glances when someone put on a fur coat (which was a family heirloom). That persons’ date (who was new to the group) definitely noticed and felt awkward. There was at least one other moment like that that I happened to notice, and we as a group try to be especially welcoming to new folks. (I’m quite proud of our little group for that.) If we’re doing it while trying to be welcoming, wouldn’t it be worse among UUs who aren’t trying?

No, it isn’t that hard, and as a representative of my church would like to believe I am very welcoming and open, even to those who I have philosophical disagreements with.

I was just a bit rankled by the rant. It is easy to point and say, “look these hypothetical people are being unwelcoming and intolerant” and much harder to effect real change towards making us more open and welcoming. When I read that I didn’t know the flag questioner, or the war supporter, or the Wal-Mart shopper, and I am to assume that they are the injured parties here. But there is no context. Yes in your real-life example, that was rude, and she could have handled that better. But was it because she was intolerant? Was she having a bad day? Did you have pleasant and positive experiences with her later?

Sometimes we screw up. We are dreadfully human after all, but do these instances point to a great trend of idealogical intolerance within UU? I don’t know.